Praise Jesus that ex-communication isn't an option.

First week of school done. Well, not a full week yet, but I've had all my classes. I wish I could summarize my whole experience so far and tell everyone I know separately, but blogging is easiest for now. I'm getting to know the names of some people and I've been busy attending different activities, but I still miss NWC. I've met a couple kids who've been to a lot of places and transferred from a lot of schools, and I wonder how often they think of their friends from back wherever they were. I've seen so many people that look like people I know, especially from quick glance or far away, and I'm constantly reminded of my old friends. At least I still have instant messenger...

I don't mean to sound depressing, because as a whole, I love it up here. It's just that I don't want to forget the awesome people I left back in the cities. And I'm still struggling to make my relationship with God more real and more prominent in my life. It's always been easy to let it slide, but I think at NWC in a mostly Christ-centered community I took a lot of the spiritual surroundings for granted. I think a central problem that I need to work on is this feeling to be perfect. I know I've always struggled keeping on close terms with God, but everybody does. That's life. For some reason though I always feel like I haven't grown as much as I should have by now, like I should be so much more mature and disciplined for my stage of life. I feel like I should have more passion, spend more time with Him, work toward more things in life that really matter. But I feel this way almost out of duty or guilt, not out of joy and reverence for the God who's responsible for saving my life. Once again, I'm wondering how I can get this fact out of my head and persistently in my heart. And being at a public school now especially makes me feel like it's up to me to "save the campus from hell". But I really don't want to do it the way those street preachers are who come here everyday and shout fire and brimstone onto everyone walking from class to class (and yes, I have seen one somewhere on campus almost every day so far). I think I've always struggled feeling like an insufficient Christian, but now I feel insufficient to be capable of making any change for Christ unless I'm totally put together right. I know that's not true (or possible), but it still bothers me. Father, Please help me accept my human depravity but at the same time trust Your grace that you can still do awesome things in me and with me.

Random anecdote: I went to a newcomer's meeting at a church today, which was nice. I met some interesting guy who was also new and kept talking to me...but he was nice. He asked for my number, but it didn't seem like he was hitting on me, he just wanted to get to know someone. So I gave it to him....we'll see what happens.