Sunday, January 29

while on the topic...

i meant to post a link to my friend jon's blog a couple days ago when I first read his posts about his cousin. I know I don't really have many readers (if any...lol), so it's really more for my sake than anything else because I really enjoy his works. These in particular were written for his best friend/cousin/roommate on his birthday. It is a trilogy of stories that express some of the feelings that we (well, at least me, being a girl) rarely get to see from guys. I can't use any of my own words to give it justice, so i'll just shut up now :-)

"Authenticity" (see the entry marked Tuesday, January 24, 2006)


and yes, despite the fighting against the girly girl inside of me, I cried.

Saturday, January 28

you are a f-r-i-e-n-d!

I still have to hum that song in my head sometimes to be able to spell the word "friend" correctly. Sandi Patti and friends, I was probably around 7. I think I had every song on that tape (yes, cassette tape) memorized. And it brings to mind a couple people whom I love so dang much today. The people that you actually tell the truth to when answering the oh to commonly used salutation "How are you?". The people you don' t feel uncomfortable doing nothing with. The people who accept you no matter what you're doing, how you look, or how you feel. It's these people that make me wonder why God even gave me the privelege of knowing them. I've just been thinking about them tonight, even as I hang out with them in my spirtually/emotionally/physically overwhelmed state. And I think of the ones that I haven't seen for a while. And I thank God for those who are close and so very, very far away.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the people who say nice things and actually mean them. For the people I am comfortable enough to be my real self with, and they know it. And I pray Lord, that most of all, you would help me see You as one of these people. Because I know you are, but I want you to be my Best Friend Forever.

Friday, January 27

Still trying to learn...

Dear God,
Thanks for helping me fix the wireless internet connection, because I like it so much better in my own room. Oh, what luxaries I am spoiled with *blush*. But I am thankful for that, this blog, well, the internet in general. But most of all, for your grace that I not only hear about constantly but actually discover myself. For your faithfulness despite how much I've let you down and will continue to do so. For your hope. And for tonight, when my stubborn heart finally opened up a little to realize all this once again. Thank you for providing friends when I need them, and keeping them away when you know I don't. You know that most the time my emotional health relies on them, and it's good for me when sometimes you're the only one available, the only one to run to. because You should be my first haven anyway. (but also thanks for friends who open up their apartments so i have a place to safely discover such things).

I find it so amazing that God knows exactly what I need and when I need it. I guess i shouldn't, I mean he's God, but, when things start to get quite bleak I sometimes forget that.

Saturday, January 21

Song: Plumb "I can't do this"

So somehow I can't get the wireless router to work right and I can't use my laptop to go online. I have to walk ALL THE WAY downstairs to the family computer. hehe, not bad, but I like the way my laptop is all configured to my preferences and how it just seems more private. I can sit by myself in my room and type to my heart's content. Which usually doesn't mean much.
Anyway, I thought of kind of using this blog in a prayer sort of format. Or maybe I'll make another blog for that. I don't know. At any rate, I don't really feel like talking to God right now...even though He sees every word I'm typing just the same.

Well in that case...

God, I'm sorry I'm failing...I just sometimes don't want to take life anymore. And although friends are good, they cannot/should not compete with you. I know I've been putting them in your position, and that's unfair of me. And I know you love me more than they ever could. But, once in a while, I'd really like a hug. Someone to touch me, hold me, I don't care. And well, quite honestly, your physical presence left this earth a long time ago.

p.s. does anyone else find it ironic that "blog" is not a word in Blogger's spell check?

The time has come.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things.
Of Shoes and ships and sealing wax,
of cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot,
and whether pigs have wings."

And thank you, Lewis Carroll, for introducing my blog.