Babbling with perspective.
I'm excited to learn; this is a pretty new concept for me. I actually want to know more about what I'm studying. Don't worry, I'm not writing research papers for fun-yet. It's a weird but awesome feeling though. I came to St. Cloud kind of with a new direction in my education, but I still wasn't sure of making a big commitment. I am on my third major already in less than two years of college. And the only thing I knew about social work is that I didn't know anything about it. But somehow it interested me enough to transfer schools where I could at least find out more about that degree. (I checked the book: my first school had no social work classes and one Sociology class. That was all.) So, I soon find myself at a completely different school, working toward a major I know practically nothing about. But it just felt right, like this is where God wanted me to be, despite the evident hardships of moving to an (almost)new place. I mean I've been here a bunch of times but, as you all know, living is much different than visiting. And I'm surprised that I don't find it more strange how well I've adapted and how quickly. Like I mentioned earlier, I really am enjoying my classes and learning about my major thus far. It's kind of hit me like a passion. I've always had a passion for people, but I guess I didn't realize there was a job category that exactly matches the way I love to relate to people: by serving their most essential needs. But what I want even more and must continuously strive for is a passion with a larger purpose: to share how the love of God IS the most essential of all human needs, especially in this dark and socially problematic world. I must remember that despite how much "passion" I feel about social injustice or how much "ambition" I feel about making a difference on this earth, it is only my God Almighty who can do something through me, and in fact, created this interest and these passions inside of me. It's so easy to go around forgetting that He's the one really in control. I start pushing Him aside to have more time to think about my life, my plans, my hopes for something great I can do to "fix the world" with my own soon acquired knowledge and understanding. I fall back on the glamour of being a college student (sounds weird I know, but if you think about it we are highly privileged to be where we are). I try my hardest not to conform to those around me, but in rejecting God's complete control over my life I am no different than many self-seeking, anthropocentric students my age. Even letting the Lord have my life for the purpose that will give me the ability to "make a difference" like I want to seems hypocritical. Here I suddenly come to thought with that sickening cliche, "Be the change you want to see in the world". But by what means? Not that it's bad to want to better the world we live in- but I have to remind myself that's not really the purpose of our existence. The real purpose is to follow and obey the Lord our God, master of the Universe, Alpha and Omega, the Creator and Great Facilitator of everything that surrounds us- that is us. Even if we don't stand out in the world like we want to, the fact that we've let him in charge of our entire life is enough. So how come it so often doesn't seem enough to me? How come I so often crave other than what I was created for: A life in worship and awe of my Heavenly Father? These are the questions I have come to ponder recently. Please help me Jesus.