Sunday, April 23

Really??!! How can you tell?!!

on Yahoo! News:
Gas Prices Climb Sharply, Survey Finds (AP)

...and with only a 9-10 gallon tank, I'm reminded of that a lot. yuck. :-P

Saturday, April 22

"I found my sensitive side because it has a rash" -Ed

Ed, Edd and Eddy is a good show. Not that I've been watching it recently, but I have been itching a rash lately for all those who care to know. I get these bumps on my arms all the time...

Anyway, now that I've lost the attention of the few people who even read this :-P, who wants a little life update? Not me. Well, days have been up and down. Today was definitely a down one. I was such a bum. Woke up at 10 and took 3 naps. Sick. Well, 2 1/2 naps. I don't think I actually fell asleep during one. I dunno. Some days I actually have hope for my future and then some days I lack the motivation so bad I'm too lazy to even play Nintendo. I know everyone has days like that. But mine seem to go every-other. I finally turned in an app for Saint Cloud State University. We'll see what God does from here. This entry feels so stereotypically xangaish, even though that's what blogs are for. I did just spend an hour reading the online journals/xangas/blogs of every person I could think of that I knew, and I wonder why. I usually check up a couple, but sometimes when I'm so bored and lazy I find myself reading up about tons of people I kinda know, mostly from Northwestern. Nostalgic purposes? Need to find something to make me depressed again? Wondering if I'm ever mentioned in any of their "private" thoughts? Once again, I dunno. But I need to keep realizing that my worth does not come from other people or even being in college. It's a long, rough process.

Sometimes I like to think ahead, God, and imagine that even though I feel so useless during this phase of life I will soon look back and realize that it was not wasted in vain. But then I think of all the things I could be doing....should be doing...shouldn't be doing... and I wonder. Am I a failure? You said that You don't make failures. I'm hanging on to that one small hope...

You'd think that since God's grace is so amazing, so free, and so available to everybody, it would be so easy to accept. But ironically, sometimes it's the hardest thing to do.

Saturday, April 15

Not your average bear.

I don't think I'm that average. Well, nobody really is. We all have our little quirks and specialties that make us different and unique. But enough Mr. Rogers here. I guess I'm comparing myself to what I think the average twenty year old should look like, and honestly, sometimes it gets me kinda down. I live with my parents, work with my parents at a horrible place, don't have a car, don't have a nice body or even look very good, don't have a church, don't go to school, don't have a boyfriend, and don't know the town I'm in or anybody living here. My nearest friends live 30 minutes away, and I think I bug them sometimes with all my emotional/mental problems. I guess I feel pretty pathetic. And I know that it is not wrong or bad to not be average. And who am I to set a standard for normality?? Usually I'm pretty content, been recently hopeful, and a lot of times even like being "strange". But today the devil has been really trying to hook me on to the comparing game, and I don't like it. Every thing I do seems to remind me how much I disgust myself. And tomorrow's Easter. Aren't we supposed to be happy on Easter?

Oh Father, it's so hard to be patient. For so long...
Especially when you don't know what you're waiting for.

**note for last entry: I forgot to mention that we live less than a mile from a huge toxic wasteland (i.e. a landfill where they bury all the garbage.) Obviously there can't be any houses or buildings there, so there's a couple acres of barren grassy mounds that also remind me I'm not in suburbia anymore***

Saturday, April 8

You know you're a redneck when...

Ok, so we're not rednecks. And we don't live in the country (no matter what my dad thinks). But we do live a little out there....a developing area that I still lovingly refer to as the "boonies", especially in comparison to our old neighborhood. Some things I've seen recently while driving around town:
-signs along the road that say "No hunting south of here" and "No jumping off bridge"
-some equestrians trotting along the side of a popular highway
-some kind of roadkill on almost every street
-Bob's Country Market, our general store that claims to sell "meats of distinction" (hopefully not related to the previous statement)
-at least 2 or 3 conveniently located seed stores
-Plants and Things, a treasure cove of lawn furniture and accessories (anything from 1' gnomes to 10' dinosaurs to place in your yard)

and more things left to discover...